Coping with the Grief of Pet Loss

It's been a long time here between updates, and there's a reason for that. I'm sad to say that Pete, our beloved Chihuahua, succumbed to his congestive heart failure in November, just a couple of days before Thanksgiving. As heartbroken as we are to lose him, we're also enormously thankful that he passed away peacefully in his sleep. As far as we can tell, his heart simply stopped in the middle of the night, while he was all cozy and tucked into bed beside me. It was exactly how we were praying he'd go when his time came, sparing him from suffering and sparing us from having to make a decision we didn't feel prepared to make.

Besides being an excellent pet sling model, Pete was the best little buddy anyone could ask for. He had enough personality for a dog a hundred times his size, and enough love to match. At the risk of offending those who take offense at those who love their dogs like children, he was our furry little surrogate son, our consolation for not being able to have human children. His death hit us hard. Six weeks later, our grief hasn't even begun to diminish. There are no words adequate to express how much we miss him. It's amazing, how vast and large a void such a tiny little pupper could leave behind.

As mentioned in the post linked above, we came close to losing him last summer. Putting him on spironolactone alongside his lasix gave him tremendous relief, although being on so much diuretic medication really sapped his energy. Even so, I believe it added a few months onto his life. I'd hoped it would be more, but I was also realistic enough to know it wouldn't be much more. With that said, we had gotten him to a point where we were able to taper off of the lasix and stop the spiro completely without any further breathing difficulties, a move that gave him back a lot of his pep and helped him feel better overall. The last day of his life was actually one of the best he'd had in a long time, which is why, in spite of all of his health issues, it came as a complete shock when we discovered him the following morning.

Grief is an emotion that I think a lot of people struggled with this past year, to varying degrees. It's never easy. Grieving the death of a beloved pet is never easy, and can be heightened by feeling like other people don't understand the bond you had with your furbaby or the full extent of your grief. In a year like 2020, when so many people are coping with the loss of human loved ones, many of whom didn't even get to say goodbye or hold proper funerals, these feelings can be compounded by guilt. Who am I to be so devastated by the loss of a dog when so many people are suffering such greater loss?

But it is what it is. Grief is grief, and pain is pain, and it's never healthy or helpful to compare our pain and grief to that of others, or to ask whether we have a right to feel it. Suppressing grief only makes it worse and can lead to depression. The only way out of grieving a loss is through -- you have to go through it, to let the hard feelings come, acknowledge them, and let them leave when they're good and ready.

Even in the best of times, even in the biggest of losses, I've always had a tendency to ignore my grief as much as possible. Not to suppress it, but to keep busy and distract myself from it -- a practice that never ends well. This time around, I'm giving my grief the time it needs, giving myself time to sit with it. Not to wallow in it, but simply to acknowledge it, and let myself feel what I feel without trying to distract myself from it. My husband is helping a lot with this, and just having him here, knowing that he loved Pete as much as I do, that he misses him as much as I do, that he understands what I'm feeling because he's feeling it too, is a big help.

I'd like to be able to provide some tips for coping with pet loss, but I'm still figuring this out. Even though this isn't exactly my first rodeo, so to speak, it's different with each pet. But here is a good article on Hills Pet about ways to cope with pet loss. And if you're dealing with other pets who are also grieving for their lost friend, here's an article I wrote on how the loss of a pet affects your other pets, and how to help them.

If you're struggling with the loss of a pet, I hope these help. And I hope it helps to know that you're not alone, and that your feelings are valid.

Rest in peace, sweet Pete.